How gladly would I give you the most beautiful inheritance...

2007-08-10T11:27:00.000-04:00

For those who have not yet been informed. My blog has moved yet again!

direct yourself HERE

The new site is much improved, and more frequently updated.

2007-07-16T11:38:00.000-04:00

After a couple months of confusion, my mind comes to rest. No perfect answers yet, but a hopeful understanding. I realize that my worry and lack of vision were somewhat unwarranted; they were, however, very real. I think I spent more hours feeling stressed and dismayed the past two months than most of the rest of my life combined.
Such is graduating. Such is 'growing up' ?

This passage has shaped my thinking:

1 Timothy 6:17-19
Instruct those who are rich in this present world not to be conceited or to fix their hope on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly supplies us with all things to enjoy. Instruct them to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, storing up for themselves the treasure of a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is life indeed.

I have applied Paul's instruction to Timothy to myself, also a Timothy. God has been teaching me how to take hold of "that which is life indeed" and showing me what is life indeed beyond the normal things our culture offers us and the money at its front.

So that we may live the life that is truly life.

I want to live this true life, with its Good News.
I certainly have not been lately: my own fault.

I have struggled to figure out how I--with my ideals, my God, my ideas, my mission, my purpose, my mind--fit into the work of the world. I keep hearing two opposites:

- You are not special, no more deserving, no different than anyone else
vs.
- You are set apart, not of this world, a different background, perspective, mind

I started off my post-collegiate career badly...

First, requesting to work at my Dad's company. Hoping that the family business was something I could do, should do, be good at, and enjoy. After recovering from a minor breakdown on the first day, the ensuing few weeks have made it painfully obvious that I am not supposed to do this work, at least not currently. I wish I could make good this opportunity, and make good the father/son office team. A good note: I have learned a lot more about the company in the past month than in my prior 21 years of knowing it. I regret that I mixed up my family so dramatically in my search for work, but they are gracious...

So, I am ready to go headlong into work and life.

God is much more faithful than I have often been, or given him credit for.

A lot of me does not want to leave Pittsburgh or my family and things the things, places, people, I know and love....but I think it may be necessary and good for a while.

After being all worry.doubt.whatnext.whatGod.iamwho.confuse. for a lot of time. not being downcast and unknown to myself: feels like waking up. i am more fragile than i thought, and not in just my knees.

so, where to?

2007-06-05T09:48:00.000-04:00

To begin with the most common of all blog posts:

I haven't posted on here for a while...

Life after graduation has been a whirlwind of joys, restfulness, and restlessness. I am daily rehabbing my ACL tear, trying to find a job, researching all of work to see what I ought to do.

The new 'digs' are sweet. Some may think them just OK, but I am daily impressed and excited about our place above Doug's Butcher/Market. We have a wonderful landlord, good location, cool neighborhood, cheap price, lots of space, free furniture, and an extremely functional apartment.

Most days the last two weeks have looked as such: wake up, eat cereal, exercise, quiet time, read a book, research job opportunities/grad schools/law schools on the computer, think, think, pray, pray, organize the house, accomplish t0-do list items, apply for at least one job, hang with family or friends.

I want rather eagerly to start working, but, after seeing how much work has affected other people's lives, it is not something I want to go into lightly, even if it is only short-term work. I know from past experiences that work and life are not inextricable and that what I do for my job will have an enormous effect on my spiritual life and the person I become and am able to be.

Interestingly, a lot of the work I am interested in are things that are very...hands on, very tangible which happen to be the things that I have little or no experience in doing. I am excited about a lot of things in theory, about ideas, about knowledge.

At so many points of decision and opportunity in my life, God has made choices extremely obvious, almost mandatory and they always turned out quite perfectly. My lack of ability to decide anything lately however has caused me a lot of worry and doubt.
I want very much to serve and work with money being secondary. I want work to be a positive part of life.

Yet I know
All things well.

2007-02-19T11:48:00.000-05:00

Redeem or Restart?

Ryan and I were having one of our late-night-in-the-dark-before-bed discussion times and were assessing, among many other things: The State of the Campus, 2007.
We were discussing the many deep-rooted, troubling, and confusing problems that ail Washington & Jefferson and how those things dramatically affect people's lives and the ministry of the Christian Fellowship. Most of the issues had to do with the absolute lack of good community life, the bad perspectives of the students and administration, peoples lack of commitment and time, the lack of good purpose in campus events and initiatives. The biggest problems, especially noted, had to do with Community on campus...and the failures of the administrative planners, especially the Residence Life department, in creating good life for students on campus.
We wondered if our Christian Fellowship would do well to change its structure to something completely based on community and proximity. Last semester, the best, most beneficial aspect of my life was the times spent doing Bible Study, conversing, living life and challenging eachother, with Jake and Ryan. We got together regularly to meet, not because we were part of any organization and had scheduled it that way, but because we felt a genuine need to get together and figure out how to live the life that is truly life that God calls us to.
What if we didn't have Large Groups/Small Groups so-to-speak, but we just had life, with very intentional times of worship, study, discussion, accountability, etc. It seems right now that the way we attempt to shape our "community" is attempting to have the community as the result of the structure, rather than the structure as a result of the community...and it does not seem to be working all that well. Instead, perhaps, we ought to have natural (but very intentional) communities of people sharing life together, who then take challenging, but natural steps to study God's word, encourage each other, worship, and discuss his Kingdom and how we should live out life.
Certainly structure is good, and we should have people come all together at times, but maybe with a more purposeful and less obligatory perspective.

Towards the end of our conversation, Ryan offered whether or not this campus is a place that ought to be recovered and redeemed, or something that should be (idealistically speaking) scrapped and redone, restarted completely. Is there anything good to work with in this place?

It took me a long while to fall asleep after the conversation... I was trying to assess the state of the campus... what is good here? what is redemptive? what promotes good, true life? what does this place have to offer to us that is truly worthwhile?

Not the architecture and the facilities
Not the Campus events and programs
Not the administration
Not the Residence Life staff and the RAs
Not the sororities and fraternities
Not the athletic teams
Not the academic programs

The best things I can think of are the quality of the faculty and the cafeteria. The two things we consume: knowledge and food.

The worst aspect though, for me, is the failure of the facilities. There is no place on campus for people to meet in a normal life-like setting. There is no homeliness, no community space. Everything is expressly reserved for official gatherings or focused (shhh!) studying.

The dorms pretend to have common spaces but they are, at best, a joke. Full of stingy, over-cluttered, often-broken uncomfortable furniture. Bright, un-inviting fluorescent lighting, noise, large vending machines, trash, often-broken gaming equipment/tables.

To make up for the lack of community space and togetherness and because of individualistic tendencies... students create little self-sustaining worlds within their dorm rooms so that they need never venture out. Almost every little one or two person room has its own TV (or two), refridgerator, microwave, video gaming system, computer, stash of food, fancy chairs, etc.

But who wants to hang out in people's dorm rooms? They're small, cluttered, and not conducive to any sort of activity other than watching tv/playing video games.

In addition to all this... our good friend Jake who has been a good, enthusiastic, hard working RA for the past two years was turned down when he applied for the a CA position. Other, less-qualified people were given the job instead...after Jake was assured that he would, indeed, be given the job. The reason cited for him not getting the position was that he was "too much of a disciplinarian" ...this means that he followed the rules about writing up students for illegal behavior more than other people. Most RAs are expected to do absolutely nothing and, in some cases, they should not do anything. I would say that the average % of "illegal" things that RAs report is about .05%, and Jake is too disciplinary because he reports about %2. It is so ironic and wrong that the Residence Life department goes out of its way to make sure that their staff does not do their job and does not enforce the rules they themselves put in place. Brilliant.

2007-02-07T10:35:00.000-05:00

As I consume my Flinstones vitamin for the day, I find it necessary to document for people's enjoyment (and probably Rachel's slight embarrasment) the events surrounding the adventures of one Tubby M. Elephant this past Saturday evening at Grove City College.

Supposedly, Tubby the plastic Elephant was won by Rachel's roommate for good sorority deeds. Upon first meeting the Elephant set my imagination in motion... soon Rachel and I had found that her, in her smallness, could fit nicely inside of Tubby, lid on. And, our good friends Aaron and Christie were somewhere else on campus working diligently on their video editing projects. We decided to employ Tubby to assist us in a swell "Hello!" to Aaron and Christie. After Tubby and Rachel battling the furious campus climate to get to the Media Lab, deception ensued.

Tubby in a Bush

Tubby Overlooks the Horizon

Rachel Joyfully Transports

The Wind is a Big Deal

Brooding Tubby

Rachel gets IN

The Lid is Shut

Aaron Fights the Elephant Without Knowing Rachel is Inside!

Rachel is Proud of her Performance

Tim does not Fit!

Life goal: to not be like a typical victorian-era British male as characterized by the characters of the novels read by me recently, namely George Gissing's The Odd Women

2007-01-24T12:51:00.000-05:00

Returning to the Process

After 3 weeks of studying Monasticism, I am finished with it and ready to begin the more active part of my new year. Real reading, writing, and learning will soon commence... along with it abundances of new thoughts, relationships, decisions, work, and life.

Somewhere over the past few months, in spite of the multitudinous goodness I've experienced, I have forgotten not to worry. I was never much of a worrier in life, just too much of a thinker. Lately those things have merged, were my excessive thinking has become excessive (and certainly unfounded) worrying. Metaphors of Lilies and Birds of Fields remind me that I have little faith and that I shall certainly be provided for (and have been more than most)... yet the obscurity of my future constantly makes me doubt, and creates fears of _______ : will I do what I should, what should I?

I'll offer a short quote from Rosie Thomas' website:

One night in suburban Detroit, a twelve-year-old Rosie Thomas lay sleepless in her bed, obsessively dwelling on what she perceived to be her lack of life purpose. Then, well after 2 AM, it suddenly hit her. She sprung up and raced down the hall. “Daddy, Daddy, I know what my mission in life is,” Rosie exclaimed, poking her father. “I just want to entertain people.”

I suppose I too am guilty of that obsessive dwelling... my answers have never been quite as straightforward as hers, nor did they come at the young age of 12. I guess more than anything I want to help people to understand (or be able to have) what is necessary to truly live, and to live that life myself. My mind has changed many times as to what doing that actually looks like:

lawyer for justice!
writer of truths!
teacher of wisdom!
politician of change!
minister of love!
Doer of Deeds!

Well, like he said... let's get back to today.

2006-12-14T10:28:00.000-05:00

So, last day of the semester. Just accomplished my Chinese Skit... certainly the easiest finals week ever. I do not know where to begin or end in recapping this semester. God has blessed me, confused me, and challenged me. I have failed and triumped at varying things. I am a mix of peace and uncertainty... eagerness and patience... I realized last night that everything I am involved in, whether it be academic, relational, concerned with faith, or future-oriented is in some sort of delicate balance... but it seems like I rarely stay in the middle of that balance, rather I go side to side. Which, well, it works I suppose...but it is often times uncomfortable.

Ambiguity!

Regardless and Because . I rejoice at the end and look forward and backward and right now to it all.

Cast your cares upon him.

2006-11-10T23:59:00.000-05:00

Time to finish the short epic.
And ignore the writing of my philosophy paper for a few more whiles.

The last days ----- flurry.

Not so much in the way of sleep, took a good while to get back from Cleveland and The Decemberists concert. The Decemberists were incredibly talented and enjoyable. Cleveland is not my favorite city.

Then large muffins for breakfast, naps/reading in the Grove City great room intermixed with visits from different friends and be woken up/dived upon.

Rachel invited/forced me to go to a class talk by the epic Doc Munson: Civilization and the Arts. She had this class last semester and was eager to repeat it.

Doc Munson taught us about Chopin and Liszt and the intriguing thoughts/harmonies of romantic composers. After leaving the class, I mentioned that it made me want to do four things:
1. Play the piano
2. Teach
3. Write a poem
4. Be like Dr. Munson

Silly, perhaps, but that man knows of what he speaks and makes it really real. I have only gotten to do one of the things. The poem, I accomplished during class. It has to do with Dr. Munson's antics, his slightly unattentive class, the biography of Chopin, and the action/themes in on of Franz Liszt's Etudes entitled "Mazeppa" concerning the story of a Cosack Hetman from Ukraine.

Note: Go often to class where you are not a registered-attender because "learning is enjoyed more / from optional vantages"

The poem:

Romantic Composers: "I'll Compose Your Romance!"

Munson rocks minutely on feet, in silence
theatrics too subtle and smart for students
to recognize in slow-solitaire heads

the chord built, unburied
the grammar (notes) learned to parse
a sucession of joy not
indifferent to distinction;
regressing into melancholy
resigning into gladness
due to the potential energy
of contrast - Penultimate!
when we return home
satisfying the chord
of homesickness and
our romantic hands
in the air - unequivocal

When middle becomes present
we rethink time past
and hoep contrasting material
informs our time future

(but hopeing when we teach
not to make unnecessary jokes
to awake students with
accessible, silly jokes)

There is no resolve -
Play the song again!

Less loud bodes echo light
but still well to hear longing
in illusions to Poland

Oh sweet Poland!
How I have missed you
in my time of dissent
but politics overwhelm place
so I write songs from here
in utter Romance

He passes out paintings
as gifts eagerly sought
regardless of prior interest
with Virtuosity edging on
eternity's encompassment
of the spiritual otherside

Etudes of transcendental
executing the line between
divinity and accomplishment
The misunderstood Mazeppa
always having to bless the people
with a vengeful message
body pounding notes don't
do justice to pain, but romance
bleeds out of the wounds
heal in future time
rest and resurrection
the sombre horse soundtracks
ought to juxtapose the past
now left up to our imaginations
in fluroscent classrooms

How are you so eager to leave
class when Mazeppa is dying
on his horse in Asia!?

"And then there is resurrection!"
-----------

Following all that... drove back homeward, kidnapping Rachel from The Grove and to her house for pizza and the Swiss Family Robinson with her dad. Then duty, and more writing of my final philosophy paper (up to 11 pages).

Come Saturday: A walk around campus, Lunch, helping with "Happening" the Episcopal Church's area retreat for high schoolers... we assisted in serving/setting up Dinner before heading to the city to see Billy Birdman and Joanna Newsom in the "living room" of the Andy Warhol museum. Probably the best concert I have been able to attend. Then Indian Food, and bed by 2.

Come Sunday: Woke up at 8 to call mum (perhaps the earliest I have ever called the house) to see what was going down for church since Rachel and I decided to investigate The Chapel. It was the first time I had been in forever.... about a year. It was less burdensome than I expected and I was glad that Ronald D. was talking about important Sex issues in church... though the disclaimer saying that "parents might feel awkward having their children in the service" was.... well, I felt sorry for the one boy who got taken out of the service post-announcement.

Rachel and I sat with Beth and Abbey in the service and lost the race back home to them... ate a swell lunch, beat them at Taboo and Rachel chopped my hairs off, expertly.

She got taken back to the Grove post-haircut after four days continuous.

Now I sit listening to Joanna Newsom again.

I could go to sleep now, yet it is only 8:30.
Time to convince my paper's audience that beauty is not wholly subjective.

"We love hyperbole because we do not grasp the epic nature of our own lives or those lived around us"

2006-11-06T21:33:00.000-05:00

...and He will answer you.

All praises be to the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords

He is Worthy.

Sitting in my always solitary, silent dorm room. I am almost getting sick of the music in my iPod since I have been using it very often to fill my time and cease the quietude.
The next three weeks will be a real test of my gumption and my ability to force myself to write.

35-40 Pages.
The first 15 due on Monday.
I hope my words are worthwhile and learning comes in the process.
No doubt it will... no doubt it will.

The end of the semester will also be filled with other things, wonderful ones:

- Much time with Friends, Family, Lady
- 3 Concerts
- Thanksgiving Break
- Joy

2006-11-02T17:06:00.000-05:00

: )

2006-11-01T14:31:00.000-05:00

Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life.

Timothy, guard what has been entrusted to your care. Turn away from godless chatter and the opposing ideas of what is falsely called knowledge, which some have professed and in so doing have wandered from the faith.
Grace be with you.

------------

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.

2006-10-31T19:18:00.000-05:00

Halloween night at W&J

My dorm is covered in fake blood, strange smoke, spiderwebs, and other gory paraphenalia.
They pretended to serve human meat for dinner.
The Fire Alarm is going off.
I disappeared to the secret computer lab in the dark with my iPod.

They had "creepy sounds" playing during dinner over the sound system and the lights much-dimmed. It seemed like a fitting soundtrack/ambiance for the conversations and laughter. Cackling and threats.
So much pretending to be evil that they have accomplished it.
In about 30 minutes a bunch of Freshmen girls will come "dressed 'up' " into my hall asking for candy. More like dressed-down, or dressed-not-much. I am glad it started raining.
I won't be going back to that dorm for a while yet.
Besides, this room is nice and this chair is leagues more comfortable than mine is.

Thankful in contrast.

2006-10-29T18:49:00.000-05:00

This medium seems insufficient

with which to explain my weekend, life, thankfulness, etc.

2006-10-26T22:40:00.001-04:00

It is really difficult to express oneself truly and openly.

I mean, really.

2006-10-25T13:06:00.000-04:00

Why does everyone dig holes?

Holes full of excuses.
Holes away from heaven.

Digging is hard work.

This summer I had to dig up huge railroad ties that they use to line the paths at Cedar Campus. It was really strenuous.

I would not want to be a digger.
Not with a shovel anyhow.

Rather.

"The cold smell of potato mould, the squelch and slap
Of soggy peat, the curt cuts of an edge
Through living roots awaken in my head.
But I've not spade to follow men like them.

Between my finger and my thumb
The squat pen rests.
I'll dig with it."

- "Digging" by Seamus Heaney

There are prizes!
Dig the right holes!

2006-10-23T14:43:00.000-04:00

"But if I say, 'I will not mention him or speak any more in his name,' his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot."

"we also believe and therefore speak"

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-10-22T20:09:00.000-04:00

A lot of times I tread the small line between harsh criticism and truth-telling... usually this occurs after attending church, or hearing people make proclamations concerning christendom. I hope it is truth-telling... perhaps it comes out of my frustration with myself not yet living out the things I feel I ought to.

Again: I am glad God is regardless of what we say about Him.

Today, I heard the missionary life be described as "exotic" and, therefore appealing; as something that would give us benefit "imagine yourself..." "imagine seeing..." I do not think it is about us imagining what we will get out of God's mission. We will blessed serving God, but not in the ways we can imagine beforehand, not in ways that will be easy, eye-catching and easy to advertise. Why do we serve God's mission? Because it's true, because he calls us to, because we love Him, because he first loved us, because it is beautiful and good, because we have to... as Christians (followers of Christ) we must follow in the footsteps of our Lord: teaching, healing, loving, and sacrificing for all people everywhere.

Also, ministry is holistic; the gospel is big. Sharing God's love and good news with people cannot be accomplished by showing a movie or by telling people to turn from their sinful ways. Live with people, sacrifice for them, serve them, teach them, love them; address all of a people's needs. While spiritual needs are most desperate, often times they are the last thing that you are able to change. Jesus healed and cleansed bodies and souls.

The Gospel redeems. It is not a film clip or a magic set of words. It is the story of God's love and grace for mankind and how he wants to reconcile all people unto himself so that we can once again be a part of his work in this world, his work of joy and transfiguration.

Where do we start? What do we do?

It was surreal this morning to sit in a small presbyterian church as a comfortable, mostly-older American audience listened to stories of Tanna, a small island of vanuatu.
The stories told by the teller had to do with cannibalism, spiritual warfare, and the ebb and flow of christianity versus cults on this small island over the past century. The stories of the island were so important and meaningful that it seemed as though a place like the island of Tanna that was being described could not possibly exist on the same world as Venice, Pennsylvania. And, if it did, how is it that we are seated so peacefully in our pews? There are epic things in this world; our life is one of those things if we realize it.

The important things are not all in history. They are now. Martin Luther King and Martin Luther are not isolated instances of people influencing the world, they must continue to happen. People must speak up for truth, for the lost and helpless, for the tragedies, continually. The world (for the time being) will never exist in a happy stasis. In every single place there is strife, not just Tanna or Africa or the Middle East or North Korea. In every community there is a place needing our attention, God's love shown through us.

We cannot idly sit on cushioned pews for years and years... Even if we do wear nice hats.

2006-10-12T21:15:00.000-04:00

So,
Just returned from hearing Gerald Stern and Judith Fullmer read their poetry. Gerald won the National Book Award last year and was a teacher of Judith; they were both born in Pittsburgh.

He read wonderfully, strangely. She read... OK.

-------------------

praise God from whom all blessings flow who gives us his overwhelming purpose.
how shalt we then live

2006-10-12T21:13:00.000-04:00

Just because I can does not mean I must

2006-10-12T11:00:00.000-04:00

Regardless of my lists, things this year are going wonderfully and I am learning many lessons in, among other things, not being discouraged and my unloftiness. As Rob Bell put it, "we have to kill our superwhatevers" and be the person that God made us to be, not the person all of the outside pressures/obligations/responsibilities/self-confidence issues want us to be.
Nothing has been forced, everything has been things I really desire to do... though, I think I desire too much.

No, I don't want to start my automatic updates now.

Should the antonym of disappointments be appointments?

I think this semester so far has been a crazy experiment in understanding who exactly I am supposed to be. It has gone well so far and, though very hurried, has not been stressful. I went out to waffle house last night (per tradition) but I got a very upset stomach for the second time in a row... Sadly, I won't be going back again I do not think. It is sad. I do not particurally love the food, but we have gone there 20 times over the past year and listened to talking heads, blondie, and johnny cash on the jukebox.

My School:

"From: Office of Volunteer Services
Subject: Eating Contest by W&J Football Players

Help raise money for the Washington County Food Bank!
Come and see how many hot dogs your favorite football player can eat and also raise money for the food bank. "

------- Interesting note: The money that goes into the food for the eating contest, will be close to what they will raise for the food bank.

how about,

on plate:
- "seek ye first... and all these things"

Even though I constantly am doing, I feel as though I am one of the few people at school that can just Stop and have faith and not do for a while. There is not much peace around. Everyone here is rushing and worrying and running after mid-terms and have an excuse for every rest and time with God they cannot take.

Worry All The Time

by Denison Witmer

Lately I've been waking to
the blue-est dawns that i once slept through.
The morning hangs like open chords
that I fell in with my own thoughts and words.

I used to worry all the time,
But I slowed down to live my life,
to live my life now.

College campus and warmest grass,
we sit and watch the people rush to class.
When did we decide that had to be
all facts and chance that we lost mystery?

We used to worry all the time,
but we slowed down to live our lives,
to live our lives now.

We used to worry all the time,
but we slowed down to live our lives,
to live our lives now.

upcoming:
 - Fall break
 - Sharon's Wedding
 - Baby Schenk
 - Harvest IV Retreat
 - Beth's Birthday
 - Nemacolin with Joe Hardy
 - GREs
 - Thanksgiving
 - Anathallo & Denison Witmer Concert

2006-10-10T20:44:00.000-04:00

On plate:
- Inspiring a campus
- Worshiping God
- Poetry's relationship to Nature
- Figuring out what Nature is
- Morality's relationship to Beauty
- Not being a terrible RA
- Outlining Truth
- PhD Programs
- Loving everyone
- Optative Chinese Verb Placement
- Fixing my back
- Running a faster mile
- Building relationships with my floor
- Being in talks
- Talking to God
- Recording/wrestling with my thoughts
- The Graduate Recoard Exam
- Resurrecting The Wooden Tooth Review
- Listening to wonderful music
- Studying God's word
- Playing frisbee before it gets cold
- Writing an epic
- Keeping my room clean
- Staying friends
- Freshmen Small Group
- Sleeping
- Wedding Music
- Writing 50 pages
- Doing what Jesus did

It is mostly pointless to learn a language unless you learn it well and long.

2006-10-04T18:04:00.000-04:00

I awoke just in time to see the sky
tear itself apart and fall out
spitting and licking
the soak built up a quiet anger
like a little mad girl brooding
in the corner of the sky
darkness grew
and yelled. the audience aghast
and the sirens ready
yelling straight back
as soon as she screamed
tears flying
spitting and licking
the soak makes us run!
and hide!
and stay away inside!

(Just leave her be... surely she can't keep this up for long)

2006-10-03T16:10:00.000-04:00

So Paul... talks of us being the aroma of Chirst among those who are being saved and those who are perishing.

To the perishing: the smell of Death
To the saved: the smell of life

Who is equal to this task?
That task being, in large part, spreading the gospel to those who think it is the smell of death.
How do you spread good news that smells like death to people?
Certainly not any easy task. It is one that must be done with God, through God, in God.

"Unlike so many... we do not peddle the word of God for profit."

But it would have been so much easier Paul! If only the Church could be run like a for-profit business... You could sell Jesus with marketing plans, logos, advertising, attractive displays, and starbucks coffee... Jesus is an easy sell if you can package him up with nice things.

"On the contrary, in Christ we speak before God with sincerity, like men sent from God."

You don't think Starbucks and logos are sincere Paul? We aren't misrepresenting the Gospel...we're just giving the people what they want so that they come... then we share the Gospel. We want them to think we are worth their time, once they like us and enjoy being here, then we can speak the word of God.

"Are we beginning to commend ourselves again? Or do we need letters of recommendation? You yourselves are our letter... from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts."

But Paul, the world wants ink. The world wants stone. They want to see what you can do for them, people's hearts do not make much of a resume. Paul how are they going to know that we are worth their time?

"our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life."

The letter, meaning the law. That is about salvation and Jesus... it has nothing to do with ministry techniques.

"Now if the ministry that brought death, which was engraved in letters on stone..."

The law brought death. The spirit gives life. But people thought that the aroma of Christ was death.

"the smell of death.... but the Spirit gives life"

So it is really life, but smells like death to those who do not understand it.

--------------
You cannot validate the gospel with letters of recommendation, or by trying to sell it. You cannot try and make it smell better. Who cares about smell. It gives life through the Spirit. Life.
"how much more glorious is the ministry that brings righteousness!"

"in Christ we speak before God with sincerity, like men sent from God."
Represent Christ with sincerity, represent his gospel with sincerity. Jesus does not smell good to those who do not understand him. In reality, he is everything good. If you try and sell Jesus as a good-smelling starbucks and logo Jesus, you are not sincerely representing who he is.

Yet, Jesus truly does not smell bad and he is not ugly. Jesus and his gospel can be represented beautifully and truly. Church should not be ugly and there can be coffee at church and logos at church and art at church BUT, it should just be sincere and accurate, not fake and not used for peddling the word of God.

But the gospel is not gaudy, nor does it need marketing, or coffee.

2006-09-28T23:19:00.000-04:00

Yeah.

Weeks are going by. It was yesterday that I got off the plane(s) from China. Yet, somehow, it is September 29, I'm listening to Daft Punk at 11:14, I've successfully completed applications for three graduate school scholarships to study in Britain (just have to mail them!), InterVarsity is well on its way, I lost my newspaper column to some punks, but am excited about other things I'll be writing this year, my two independent studies are figuring themselves out and I have a thesis and diagram and outlines in the works. I have finished reading many books and articles, studied the bible, done laundry a few times (took it home), made new friends, gotten to know old ones better.

Oh, you know.

I need a big field and a banjo.
Lots of green.
I don't know how to play a banjo, but I doubt it would matter.

God's will unfolds brilliantly

and my back still hurts.

2006-09-21T22:16:00.000-04:00

"The researchers discovered the suicide rate is 73 percent higher in participants with breast implants relative to the control group. The connection between breast implants and suicide was not tested and no direct link was found between the two.

However, Bisson said previous studies have characterized women who receive breast implants by a low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence and more frequent mental illnesses such as depression.

The research team also analyzed a group of 16,000 women who had undergone plastic surgery procedures other than breast augmentation. They found similar results, with a lower mortality rate and a higher suicide rate than the general population."

Sadly. Obviously.

Where is our identity, where is our worth?

Certainly not in our chests.

and Venezuela spoke loudly...

2006-09-20T13:55:00.000-04:00

"The devil came here yesterday," Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez said, referring to George Bush's address on Tuesday and making the sign of the cross. "He came here talking as if he were the owner of the world."

"Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.
For,
'Whoever would love life
and see good days
must keep his tongue from evil
and his lips from deceitful speech.
He must turn from evil and do good;
he must seek peace and pursue it.
For the yes of the Lord are on the
righteous.
and his ears are attentive to their
prayer,
but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.'
Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. " 1 peter 3:8-14a

I do not see America as being compassionate and humble
I do not see America as seeking and pursuing peace
I do not see America eager to do good
I do not see America as repaying people with blessings.
I see America as afraid.
I see America repaying evil with evil

Even if we should suffer for being humble and peaceful, we are blessed.
Even if we should suffer for loving those who do not deserve our love, we are blessed.
Even if we give to those who take, we are blessed.
Even if we build up those who tear down, we are blessed.
Even if we bless those who curse us, we are blessed.

Jesus blessed us by being humble and peaceful; he died.
Jesus suffered by loving those who did not deserve love; he died.
Jesus gave to those who took from him; he died.
Jesus built up those who would tear him down; he died.
Jesus blessed those who cursed him; he died.

How do you defeat a person who would terrify you and kill you? You die to yourself and serve them.
For "Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed."
"Who is going to harm America if they are eager to do good? But even if America suffers for what is right, it is blessed."

perhaps.

and the pope spoke too loudly...

2006-09-19T00:07:00.000-04:00

"you and the West are doomed as you can see from the defeat in Iraq, Afghanistan, Chechnya, and elsewhere. We will break up the cross, spill the liquor and impose the 'jizya' tax, then the only thing acceptable is a conversion (to Islam) or (being killed by) the sword."

"You infidels and despots, we will continue our jihad (holy war) and never stop until God avails us to chop your necks and raise the fluttering banner of monotheism, when God's rule is established governing all people and nations,"

The pope made people angry. They were already angry. Now its religious, now its personal.

How is this a "holy war" ? Holy: (Noun) sacred, having a spiritually pure quality, saintly, godly.
Chopping necks is none of this. God's rule is not a rule of decapitation. The Muslim's are upset because the Pope quotes negative phrases about Muhammad, but the Christians are not very upset that Muslim's want to kill them. Interesting.

Many Muslims do not know what it means to follow Christ, and do not know his true followers. I have thought previously as to the terrible harm done by America being a "Christian nation." When I was in China, the Chinese thought that Christianity was not theirs it was ours because it is from our nation. My roommate even asked if Jesus was from America. But this is worse. So much of the world identifies American action with Christian action. Our greed, our dominance, our pride, all of these things. For some people in America Muslims are ignorantly associated with middle eastern terrorism. Most Muslims are not terrorists. Many of us do not know muslims. In the same way, islamic terrorists do not really know Christians. For Osama Bin-Laden, Christianity and America, perhaps, are inextricable and represent everything he hates. But why does he hate "us" ? I do not feel like he hates me. How can he? I have never met the man.

hum...

w. chestnut st.

2006-09-17T17:00:00.000-04:00

Just now I was walking back from the omnipresent CVS Pharmacy after getting 12 passport-size photos for the Rhodes Scholarship discerners and a PayDay candy bar. I rarely walk around Washington, but I should more often.
Just the act of approaching campus in an alternate direction and method made me appreciate and learn things I had ignored before.
Also, special things happen. On my way down the final hill I heard music playing. It sounded close, or loud. I continued and realized it was right next to me, and small. A strange compact and clear radio was sitting in the glass bustop. "Blister in the Sun" by the Violent Femmes was playing; the situation was all to serene. A butterfly flew by. There were no cars on the road. I stopped. Stood. I saw an old wall 100% ivy covered had large portions of the ivy peeling away like dead skin. A car came over the crest of the hill, I moved on. As I kept walking, a grasshopper followed me, continually trying to impede my progress, but hopping to safety just as my foot came down.
I returned to campus walking down a path between the tennis courts and the gym that I had never walked on before.
I am back in my room. My TV is gone, again. Lent back to a good friend who will make better use of it than I will. Now maybe I have room for another chair. A chair for a friend!

The Popular Ballad

2006-09-17T00:02:00.000-04:00

I got a book out of the library with this title. I have not learned a thing from it. I know, I have not spent much time reading it, but there is just nothing there. It is 300 pages of obscure references and little insight.

"What is popular?" "Popluar is something which pertains to the people at large, and ballad is a song to which folk used to dance." !. Tell us something new Francis Gummere!
I was kind of excited about the book and was hoping it could tell me something about the purpose of the POPULAR ballad. It's a poetic form, that, I suppose, was popular, and had a large use. It does not say why.
Still. Just having the idea that "Popular Ballads" once existed and understanding to a small extent what they were, it makes me wonder. Why don't we have them anymore? People do not sing walking down the road in rollicking choruses or echo rhyming lines across the dining hall. There is something in the people, in the culture that is opposed to such forms of expression.

What is it?
What killed the Popular Ballad?
what killed the joy in the streets

Friday Morning

2006-09-15T09:06:00.000-04:00

I have not gotten up for breakfast that many times this week. Today I went at 8:30 in order to eat with new friends. Doug, A smart, kind freshman chemist and Richard, the confident, wily businessman Bristolian.
Eggs, sausage, and hashed browns were eaten with 1/3 a cup of extra-sweet cranberry juice and 3/5 a cup of 2% milk. I took a banana in the pocket of my ancient blue hoodie on the way out.
There is nothing too epic about today except for it being Friday. Following my Chinese exam I will have almost three full days of little obligation; this puts my mind in a good state.
My weekend will involve three things:
- Finishing my scholarship applications
- Writing/Perfecting two newspaper articles
- Skimming 5 books: "Modern Poetry and the Christian Tradition," "Contemporary Poetry Meets Modern Theory," "Poetry and Politics," "The Uses of Poetry," and, my favorite, "The Popular Ballad."

Yesterday I beat up on Plato's philosophical reasonings for the banishment of poetry.

Take that Plato.

Currently listening: Let It Die, Feist.
Feist is the perfect grey-day-friday-morning music

"If we are distressed..."

2006-09-11T22:59:00.000-04:00

Today goes well with me.
Awoke early. Cereal with banana and some more poet-letters. Then Fitness class on the bicycle while reading more poet-letters. Then Chinese, Lunch, a productive afternoon of reading/writing/bible study and more.
Results of the day:

Reading through the first two pages of my manuscript of II Corinthians has been splendid. The words look new, partly because I rarely read that book and partly because they are on plain paper outside of the familiar leather binding. Just words. One part that stood out the most to be was when Paul says, "If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation." This idea is an important one. Paul is having an emotional reaction on the behalf of others salvation (or their lack their of). Paul really cares about making sure others have the salvation that he has through Christ. I think sometimes we do this, but so many times there are people who we do our best to "not dislike" but we certainly are not emotionally stressed on their behalf.
This distress is not only a hard state to achieve, but a heavy burden to bear.
I do not think Paul is necessarily calling us to do feel what he does for people, however, it is supposed to be a natural outpouring of the fact that Jesus has saved and comforted us. This overflow should happen in our communities, in our relationships, to those in any sort of proximity to us. How do we care for people that are hard to care for? For people who we feel are enemies?
Beyond that, if we do foster a care for the hard-to-care-for, how difficult it is to be distressed for people who are against you and therefore, hard to care for because they don't accept care, or comfort, or salvation. So hard to see what people need to be redeemed and joyful and peaceful and not be able to give it to them.
Once we are able to care for people though, the second page of my II Corinthian's manuscript shows Paul living out something even more radical and important: he is claiming God's promises as his own. In his ministry to those he is distressed for, he is fulfilling the awesome responsibility of living out God's promises to the Corinthians. He writes, "For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through him the "Amen" is spoken by us to the glory of God." Paul is speaking the "Amen," or the "So be it," therefore affirming and claiming God's promises and taking them on himself to do, through Christ.
He precedes this by explaining how he is living out this awesome responsibility; Paul is not doing things lightly or making "plans in a wordly manner," he will not be a hypocrite and will fulfill the promises to those he is ministering to. This, I think, begins a list of things that Paul shows us concerning how to minister well. Before going into that though, let's backtrack as to why Paul (and us) minister and proclaim God's kingdom in the first place.
Because Christ loved us and saved and comforted us, we should be distressed on the behalf of the salvation and comfort of others. In this same pattern, Christ's promise to us are taken upon us through Him and should be claimed by us; we should assume the awesome responsibility of God's promises to his people. So then the question is how, how do we live out those promises in a manner worthy of God. If we are truly claiming his promises as our own, then, in a way, we are claiming our promises as Gods. ...are our promises to those we are ministering to as good as God's promises? How can they be?
These are a few of the things I think Paul displays in the beginning of this letter. First, that aspect of planning to visit Corinth not "lightly." This represents an intentionality on Paul's part; he plans to visit them, he works the Corinthians into his very busy schedule. Not only because they are on the way though, he plans to visit them because he was confident that right now they understand "in part" and "will come to understand fully." Paul recognizes that the Corinthians are a people who are ripe for the harvest, who represent good soil. They understand some, and if he goes back they will understand fully so that he "will boast of [them] in the day of the Lord Jesus."
Paul is intentional. He chooses who he will go to and when and why and he follows through on his promises. Seriously, these are God's promises, he cannot mess them up.
In thinking about this intentionality in going, I realized how important it was for Paul and for us today. If Paul would have broken a promise to the Corinthians or not been intentional about going to them and telling them he was coming, do you think they would have asked him to return? Probably not. The Corinthians will forget about Paul if he does not continue to pay attention to them and serve them. Not that they are selfish, but they are not "distressed" on their own account, only Paul sees what they need and he must go to them.
This has a lot of application for me. A lot of times it is easy to have the attitude that if people don't want to come to a bible study or to InterVarsity, or what have you, then they are not interested and I cannot do anything about it. I get in the mindset that if people do not want to be with me, or be a part of the community then fine. It can't work like that though.
Like Paul we have to unselfishly claimGod's promises and fulfill them to his people regardless of any reciprocation. We already have God's comfort and salvation, we don't need anything in return. We just have to go. Why? Because we are distressed. Why are we distressed? Because God first loved us and was distressed for us. So much that he died.
Another thing I realized about Paul's effective ministry is how he is able to keep such a good relationship with the Corinthians. He knows what they need and, somehow, is able to enter right into their lives even though he is not there and is always on the road ministering to so many others. How is he still able to be a part of their lives, even when they may have started to doubt and forget him? Because he cares. He is distressed for them. Paul keeps up with Corinth because he wants to.
Again, we ought to be like Paul. If we are going to minister to people we need to know them and be a part of their lives even if we are not physically present with them all the time. How?
I was reading a bit in the Rilke book today "Letters to a Young Poet" where the editor describes the way the Rilke is writes one of his letters. These letters from Rilke to Franz Kappus are amazingly intimate, caring, and real even though Rilke and Kappus' relationship had a lot of limiting factors: they knew eachother in person for only a short time, Kappus was busy with life and Rilke was always traveling and their letter writing is sparse and sporadic (less than 2 a year). Rilke's letter however is described as being "uncompromising and courageous and truthful, charming and kind; such a letter as only one who cared for honesty and had a fine sense of delicacy in human relationships would have troubled to write. "
The Rilke/Kappus relationship is very similar to that of the Paul/Corinthians one and so is their letter-writing styles. Both Paul and Rainer Maria Rilke are able to keep that valuable relationship and ministry to their letter-receivers alive due to their care and "sense of delicacy in human relationships." They care to be honest and real, always. We do not do this normally.
On coming back from school both Ryan and I noticed the difference in relating to people here. People have an aversion to honesty. In order for others to accept help form people, or open up you have to go through a long, political process of "getting to know" them. Ministers cannot afford this kind of unapproachibility.
No doubt there are more things Paul displays well concerning good service in ministry. But that's enough for now. Just two things: selfless intentionality and care for relationships and communcation.
These things could be fleshed out into practical application, but it will take different forms for everyone... For Paul it meant writing letters, keeping tabs on people, and stopping in cities. For us...maybe e-mails, having lunches, saying hello, asking good questions, and more.

"If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation..."

"...if we are comforted, it is for your comfort,"

12:09. Bedtime.

The Weblog as a means to process both internally and externally

2006-09-09T22:47:00.000-04:00

I just finished an hours worth of researching University's in Ireland in the hopes that this Mitchell character will award me with his scholarship, post-mortem. I am also drinking one of Doug's elite German teas: rooibush creme caramel. The smell is amazing.
Before this nerd fest of Irish Literary graduate programs and kettles, I attended Mt. Ararat Baptist Church down in the East Libertary neighborhood of Pittsburgh. I started going there last saturday with my friend Tony (and his friend Ryan). I made it a point to go to church with him if at all possible this year and I am glad I did. It is a great place for me to go, I feel like I fit in (regardless of my whiteness) and enjoy the message, music, and community. This evening I got to share words and hugs with a kind older lady to my left, we informed back and forth "I'm glad you came to church today," we both meant it, sincerely. I might go to church again tomorrow morning with other W&J friends.
[this tea is really good and is making my stomach toasty warm]
The sermon this evening was true. He discussed just the first two verses of Romans 16 and Paul's praise and request-on-behalf-of Phoebe, a servant of the church. The question he raised was: would you be on Paul's list?
Even more so, God's? By list, he means have we served God in such a way to merit reference? Do we stand out enough to be of mention? Good questions. In comparison to Jesus... and Paul, we probably are not up to par. But, really, how are we?
The reverend went on to mention what it means to really be worthy of reference. We have to be fully in Christ and for Him. Meaning that our new selves are in Christ, not in Christ and something else. My favorite quote would be, "you can't be sexy like you were and in Christ... you can't be Lexus and Christ, BMW and Christ, hip hop and Christ, democrat and Christ, republican and Christ." This stream of priorities was shouted quickly and powerfully.

I went on to add more personal applications: "pretty lady and Christ, good tunes and Christ, independent and Christ, artsy and Christ, student and Christ, writer and Christ."

In all these things, it's back to "seek first the kingdom of God..." but our identity cannot be wrapped up in appearances. When we serve God in the bold way he asks of us we must not care about keeping up our appearance, but rather representing Christ's appearance to others, before we make our appearance before Christ or he makes his appearance to us.
love is first, labels are secondary.

"Welcome, my good and faithful servant..."

Beauty is Truth, Truth Beauty?

2006-09-09T13:38:00.000-04:00

I have spent free moments in chairs, bathroom, and meals reading through "Letters to a Young Poet" ... a compilation of letters written by Rainer Maria Rilke to a poet-friend of his, Franz Kappus. While I can't say I gather every bit of wisdom Rilke is throwing down in his lofty prose, I identify with parts. Before I say what I enjoyed of Rilke, I have to explain a new perspective that has come to mind from Seamus Heaney's Preoccupations considering the taking of other writer's ideas; it is no longer so much as a taking, as a recognizing and incorporating.

Heaney says, "How, then, do you find it? In practice you hear it coming from somebody else, you hear something in another writer's sound that flows in through your ear and enters the echo-chamber in your head and delights your whole nervous system in such a way that your reaction will be, 'Ah, I wish I had said that, in that particular way.' This other writer, in fact, has spoken something essential to you, something you recognize instinctively as a true sounding of aspects of yourself and your experience. And your first steps as a writer will be to imitate, consciously or unconsciously, those sounds that flowed in, that in-fluence."

[currently I am using my parking citations as bookmarks]

It is this delight and recognizing that occured, for me, in parts of Rilke's letters. In particular, Rilke says,
"there is but one solitude, and that is great, and not easy to bear, and to almost everybody come hours when they would gladly exchange it for any sort of intercourse, however banal and cheap, for the semblance of some slight accord with the first comer, with the unworthiest. . . ."
". . . To be solitary, the way one was solitary as a child, when the grownups went around involved with things that seemed important and big because they themselves looked so busy and because one comprehended nothing of their doings."
Rilke goes on to talk of solitude in a positive sense, but a different one from what we normally think. Solitude is an understanding and appreciation of "the world you carry within you." Essentially, a grasping of your person and the way God has made you.
This is a true sounding aspect of myself.

Continuing on with the claiming of truth from other authors and sources other than oneself, I have also been involved with the book Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell. In a part of his story entitled "True" he talks of just this same type of truth claiming, but in a spiritual, biblical, overwhelming sense.
Mr. Bell writes of the fact that God is who he is regardless of what we know or think, that God and his truth "is [not] absent from a place until [we] get there." God is everywhere, and this world is full of his truth and beauty and majesty, but we do not always recognize and the Bible is not a complete revelation of all true and good things that God is and has done. In many ways, he posits, people have come to claim things as partly God's truth if they have the adjective Christian in front of them (Christian Music, Christian Books, Christian Politics...) but, as Rob says, "Christian is a great noun and a poor adjective." Instead of calling things "Christian ______ " and limiting them by place, context, and source we need to recognize that "God isn't in one building only. Doing things for God happens all the time, everywhere." And so, like Paul does in many of his letters we need to point "out the true and the good wherever [we] see it."
Rob says that "We claim the beautiful and the good and the true wherever we find it, because all things are ours" like when the woman "wastes" expensive perfume on Jesus, the others see it negatively, but Jesus embraces it as truly beautiful and good. He claims her action as good.
The Bible, I think, is the most important source of truth we have, but even the Bible claims that there is truth to be found outside of it in the world where God is. I believe in God and his Word, in many ways, because he is a true sounding aspect of myself. My story in life (as it has happened on this earth of His) is inseperable from God, there is no truth to me or my experience or my head without Him.

This is why I read and write. To find, claim and write truth and to act it out... in order to do this though you have to understand it for today. Jesus ministered to the Samaritan woman at the well; what does that look like today? Jesus tore apart the temple because it was not glorifying God, how do we apply that truthful action today? Who do we minister to and how, what should we tear down?

The temple is a great example of something that was supposed to be truly Godly and Religious, like things that have the Christian label today. Just because something is a church, or has holy-adjectives does not make it truly God. God is who he is regardless of who we say he is or what we make him into. We distort Him every year, and cover him with our rubble, our materials, our philosophies, our anxieties.
Let us uncover Him and His glory, let's open our eyes and see His truth again.
Serve His kingdom, for He is the King.
"Wake up o' sleeper!"
He is always true and always present.
I'm so glad.

2006-09-08T23:56:00.000-04:00

Another friday night at Washington & Jefferson College.
Another descension.
Oh the boys on my floor...

2006-09-08T00:53:00.000-04:00

The rest of the world gets our hand-me-downs.
How's it feel to be the neglected child Congo?

2006-09-08T00:19:00.000-04:00

The last week has been as busy and full as anything I have ever known. Really wonderful though; forcing me to treasure time spent alone, rest, food, short stints of mindlessness, etc.
My continual list of things to do is tasking, but I do not think I would rather do anything else. I feel worthwhile, hopefully serving.
I am listening to Joel Harris sing currently... there is nothing better than listening to the music of a long-lost good friend.
I was blessed with some free literature the other day, of which I am thrilled: Wendel Berry's Collected Poems, Jack Kerouac's Mexico City Blues, Rainer Maria Rilke's Letters on Life and Letters to a Young Poet. I am beginning with Rilke's letters. They are concise and deep and make you want to meet the man. He has some good points concerning the actual role of the poet, as a patient someone who cannot force himself or his art into things. Poetry is a natural leaking of an intentional spirit.
I've been pondering what it means to be an "english elitist" as Jake Habel often jokingly refers to me as. I sincerely hope that is never what I am, or that I am not viewed like that. Just because I love reading and think that literature is extremely important does not mean I am so special. My mother taught me how to read and God gave me these eyes and head with which to get it and all those writers put stuff down for me to take in. Words my friends, words. God's word, no doubt, being the most important Word. The Word.
So, me and my english elitist self are preparing to head off to graduate school, to study even more elite subjects so that I can lead students astray with my teachings... or, something better. In my real fleshed out journal I wrote the other day that I am going to be a minister to the University. That is what I want to do in the future.
Yes, I've mostly decided against law school, my other main option.
I realized that schools and students are what I care about and I do not ever want to leave the University setting; here is where people become people. Students set their habits (bad or good) and form their beliefs for the rest of their lives... so many lost, confused, and running... somewhere.
There is a lot to be done, as always, and He is going to let me be a part of it.
I'm not sure how it will end up exactly. But that's where I am going. Through the open doors.
many are the plans...
his purposes...
prevail.
"it's so much better not knowing what you will be receiving on christmas morning."

Life Is Beautiful.

does this count as a simple poem?

the apple i stole
from the lunch room
stayed in my bag
for a long time
until i remembered
where i left it
and took it out.
it was consumed
instantly.

2006-08-25T10:55:00.000-04:00

"Anyone Who Has Faith in Me Will Do as I Have Been Doing..."

I am one of those 'anyone' and I have spent the last year trying to begin doing what Jesus had been doing or, at least, making myself into a person who is capable of that. It has been the most joyful and worthwhile time of my life. I do not know specifically what this 'doing' will require of me in the future, or where it will take me. I know, though, who I am and what I am called to be doing in this world.
I want to change...
A country that condemns a man at an airport because he wears arabic writing on a t-shirt.
A people that flip out because a teacher places a Mexican flag in a classroom.
A group of college boys that find the key to their happiness in whether or not they have freedom to play beer pong.
...and obviously so much more.

This semester I think I am going to be working on two things that have a lot to do with this work in my independant study classes.

First, "The Aesthetics of Morality" for my philosophy paper. Essentially I will be thinking about what makes moral precepts beautiful...specifically are the things God tells us to do beautiful and valuable rather than just lists of rules to follow. As David says over and over again in Psalm 119"I delight in your law." I want to better understand and know why the things God calls us to do are beautiful. I have already realized the truth of that fact, but I want to see what it looks like. Why is God's way not only more right than ours but more beautiful?

Second, "The Errand(s) of Poetry" for my honors project year-long English mini-dissertation. For this I am studying not necessarily just the form of poetry as a way to write things, but the deeper idea of poetry as a way of expression. I want to look at what poetry can or should do in the world. Should it change people's minds and hearts? Should it be a conveyer of truths? I want to re-define poetry as something that is not merely a way to write, but as a way to live and express truth. Like the Chinese man I met who was forced to leave China because he was a poet. Meaning that he was much too true and outspoken and was able to see things both more and differently than those around him. Now he writes poems on houses and tries to get people to understand POETRY and the lack of true freedom in China. So, what should poetry (as a force, not a poem) set out to do?

I will also be studying more Chinese language. I am not good at it, but well, that's why I'm studying. I have ceased to see school as a place to learn merely for my benefit or for the benefit of career goals, but as a place to help me better understand how to minister to people and love them. It is rather liberating.

Right now, I am going to go get baseball gloves so I can play with friends and directions to a restaurant downtown so I can go out for dinner. These things are important and I am glad for them.

Currently I have been listening to Denison Witmer "Are You a Dreamer?" A wonderful CD that reminds me of Stephen Collins Foster.